Break Even
by Snoweylily
Summary: First, you think the worst is a broken heart, What's gonna kill you is the second part, And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle, And fourth, you're gonna think that you've fixed yourself, Fifth, you see them out with someone else, And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little.


**Ok so I randomly wanted to do this fanfiction a few days ago,**

**And... Well... HERE IT IS!**

**This is basically a Clintasha/BlackHawk Fanfic,**

**But with a slight twist.**

**Its set in Clints Point Of View (POV)**

**Except for where it changes to Natasha's POV half way through,**

**I'll let you know where.**

**Also, this is a one-shot.**

**And is based of the Scripts song Breakeven (The song lyrics are in **_italics_**)**

**Hope ye like**

**Rachel :)**

* * *

**-Clint's POV-**

_I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing..._

_... Just praying to a God that I don't believe in_

* * *

"I'm sorry. It's just not working out".

* * *

_... Cause I got time while she got freedom_

_Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even..._

* * *

"It isn't you. It's me... And I've met somebody else".

"How can you- How can say that?".

* * *

_Her best days will be some of my worst..._

_... She finally met a man who's gonna put her first_

* * *

"Clint, will you just listen to me?".

"No, Tasha, how can you... How could you... DO this to me?".

"Just let me explain!".

* * *

_... Cause while I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping_

_Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even, even, no..._

* * *

I stared at the red-head in front of me as she took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down, "Stark and I...".

"Stark?" I asked quietly, "The other guy is TONY. STARK?".

She nodded slightly, dropping her gaze to the floor.

I stared at her, "You know... I could have dealt with you leaving me... I could have even dealt with you breaking up with me for another guy... But cheating on me with my best friend? While we were still together? Under the SAME ROOF? That I can't forgive you for".

"Clint, please, I-".

"NO" I yelled, "You do NOT get to apologise to me. It was probably all my fault to start with".

* * *

_And what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you..._

_... And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?_

* * *

"It wasn't your fault, it was me..." She replied quietly, "I... I just... I fell in love with another man...".

"So, what was the past 9 months then? A- A summer fling? Was I just... Just someone to keep you company until someone better came along?" I asked and she sighed, "No. Of course not. I... I still love you Clint, just... Just not in that way... I love you like a brother".

I glared at her, "Like a brother? Like a BROTHER?".

"Please, will you just let me tel-".

"No. More. Lies" I replied, cutting her off once more, and she flinched at my harsh tone.

I ran a hand through my hair, letting out a shaky breath as I slowly turned and started to walk away.

"Clint!" She pleaded, reaching out to me but I caught her hand, "DONT. Don't touch me... Just let it be Natasha".

She flinched again.

I never called her by her full name.

Never.

Letting go of her hand, I shrugged off the pleas and begs she sent my way before abruptly spinning around and walking off, willing myself not to let the tears overflow.

But they managed to anyway.

* * *

_... I'm falling to pieces_

_Yea_

_I'm falling to pieces..._

* * *

I practically ran out of the room, finding myself walking down the familiar route to the roof.

Once I got there, I threw open the doors and collapsed to my knees, gasping for breath.

She... She... How could she do this to me?

She knew how fragile my trust was.

She knew because she was the first to gain it.

And now, I guess, she knew she was on the long list of the people who broke it.

9 months.

That's how long we've been going out for.

Nine. Fucking. Months.

And now it was all gone... Just like that.

* * *

_They say bad things happen for a reason..._

_... But no wise words are gonna stop the bleeding_

* * *

I didn't know how long I knelt there, arms wrapped firmly around my stomach, hands clasped painfully tight at my sides, as I choked out the tears and tried to continue breathing when... Really... There was no point.

Eventually, though I realised it was raining, and I managed to calm down enough to crawl over to the edge of the building as I stared up at the dark grey clouds above Manhattan, my tears mingling with the water droplets as they ran down my face.

Within minutes, I was soaked to the skin.

Maybe my heart never really did skip a beat... And maybe the twinkle in her eyes was just the sun, reflecting weirdly... And maybe the feeling in my stomach was just not having enough for breakfast... And maybe, just maybe, I thought this was love...

* * *

_... Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving_

_And when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even, even, no..._

* * *

Tears are the words that a heart can't say.

Or, at least, that's what I've heard.

And now... I guess... Maybe their right.

It only takes a coupe of seconds to say hello... But it'll take a lifetime to say goodbye.

Why she left me... I'll never know... But I doubt I'll have the strength to face her again... Not after this.

I mean... What do you do when the one who broke your heart... Is also the only one who can fix it?

What I would do now... Who knew?

Well... I knew what I had to do... I just had to... Well...

I let out a shaky breath.

I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, talk like everything's perfect, act like it's just a dream, and just pretend that she's not hurting me.

I smiled slightly.

Yea.

That's what I would do.

* * *

_... Cause when a heart breaks, it don't break even..._

* * *

**-Natasha's POV-**

I stared at the blank screen in front of me.

Should I-?

No.

Don't do it.

But I could-

NO.

...

...

... Maybe?

...

I sighed, finally giving in, and glanced up at the ceiling, "Jarvis?".

"Yes Miss Romanoff?" The cool British voice asked.

I hesitated, "Could I... I mean, would you... Clint?".

"Putting up cameras now miss" He replied and I smiled, "Thanks Jarv".

"As always Miss Romanoff" He said simply, and a second later, the cameras from the roof came up on screen.

And it broke my heart at what I saw.

He was on the roof, after collapsing to the ground as he clasped his stomach, hardly able to breath.

His clothes were soaked.

His hair was plastered to his face.

And even though the droplets slowly ran down his face, I could easily tell that not all the water was from he rain.

He looked so... Broken... Just... Completely and utterly broken.

Like his heart had been ripped out from his chest.

Like everything he had, had simply been lost and destroyed.

Like his whole life had suddenly coming crashing down on top of him.

I didn't realise I was crying until I tasted the salty water in my mouth.

I had done this to him.

It was all my fault.

And if would never be able to fix it.

I heard the door open behind me, and heard someone walk in, stopping shot at the sight they saw.

"... What's going on here?".

Bruce.

He paused for a minute, before slowly stepping forward, stopping once again when he reached me, "Natasha?".

I remained silent.

He looked up at the screen.

"... Is that... Is that Clint?" He asked quietly and I silently nodded.

He slowly walked closer to the screen, "... What's happened?".

"... We broke up" I replied quietly, "... And I may have unintentionally ripped his heart out".

Bruce frowned, glancing back at me, "You broke up? As in... A mutual split up?".

I smiled slightly, wiping my eyes with the back of my sleeve, "Not exactly...".

He seemed to think for a moment before glancing back up at me, "... Tony?".

"... How did you know?" I asked quietly and he smiled, "I'm a scientist. I base my findings on observation, and the good ole facts... And it doesn't take a genius to find that you and Stark have some chemistry together..." He smile fell, "... And Clint's just been caught in the cross fire...".

"Bruce... I didn't mean to... I would never..." I trailed off and he walked back to me, "It's ok. I know... You would never do anything to intentionally hurt him... But sometimes, the truth hurts more than any lie ever could".

I glanced back up at the screen.

Clint was after moving over to the edge of the roof, with his knees raised up to his chest, and his head buried in them.

I turned back to Bruce, "There's nothing I can do, is there? I can't help him".

He sighed, and started heading back towards the door, "No. You can't. Not now anyway... But I can".

* * *

**-Clint's POV-**

I flinched slightly as I heard the door open behind me, but made no attempt to move.

It wasn't until I felt someone wrap a warm jacket around me that I looked up.

I smiled slightly, "Thanks Banner".

He sat down next to me, "No problem".

It was silent for another minute.

"... Natasha told me what happened" Bruce said quietly and I slowly nodded, "I guessed as much... Otherwise you wouldn't be out here, right?".

He shrugged, "Depends... I mean, if I had known you were out here in the lashing rain by yourself, WITHOUT her telling me... I still would have been kinda worried".

I frowned, "... Worried?".

"Yea. Worried. You know, the thing that happens when your friends are out in the rain on the top of a very tall building all by them-self after going through a very tough breakup? Yea, that" He teased and I smirked, "Never happened before".

He sighed, "Because you've never been dumped this bad before".

"Well you're a real cheery-upper aren't you?" I smirked, but there was no playfulness behind the words.

He frowned, "Do you... Wanna talk about it?".

"No" I replied instantly, "... Well... Yea... In a way... But... No, no I don't want to talk about it... But on the other hand... Maybe... I mean, you want me to... But... Jeasus this has gotten fucked up".

He laughed slightly, "It's alright Clint. You don't have to talk if you don't want you".

Silence.

"I'm just not that good with relationships, you know?" I started suddenly, my words rushing out just in case I changed my mind about telling him, "I mean, I know everyone has there ups and downs and all that, and then there's all that shit about finding your 'soul mate' and everything but... Well... I kind of had a fucked up childhood".

He listened to me with interest.

"I know everyone says Stark was pretty messed up and all, and if truth he told, he was... But... My stories kind of different, you know? I never really told anyone what it like for me growing up, not even Natasha or Fury knows a QUATER of the story, let alone SHIELD knowing the details, but... Well..."I took a deep breath, "I'm not trying to gain any sympathy or anything here, cause I would absolutely hate that, and, in fact, I kind of don't want anyone else to know this story. At all. Ever. And Bruce, man, you're an awesome guy and stuff, that's why I'm telling you, but if you breath even one word of this to ANYONE, I will seriously have to kill you. Murder you. In a very inhumane way. So either you leave now and never speak of this again, or you listen to my sob-story and never speak of this again. What's it gonna be?".

He smiled, "I'm curious. You never talk of your past... In fact, I don't think anyone in this entire team knows anything about you apart from what we've seen ourselves".

"I take it that's a yes to listening to my sob-story and never speaking of this again?" I asked and he nodded, amused at word choice.

I ran a hand through my hair, something I was doing a lot now, before continuing, "Ok. Well. As I said before, I SERIOUSLY, do not any type of sorrow, or sympathy, or anything like that. And if you even ATTEMPT to hug me after I tell you this, I. Will. End. You. Got it?".

He nodded.

"Ok. Good. Well. Where was I? ... Oh yea. My childhood. Yay... Please note the sarcasm..." I muttered, "... My father wasn't the best of men. He was... An alcoholic... A very, very, very angry, alcoholic... When he was drunk... He would beat up my brother and I... And since he was always drunk...".

I trailed off, pausing for a minute, before trying again.

"Well. That was a long time ago... My parents died in a car crash a while later, ironically enough, it was due to my father being drunk... So my brother Barney and I were sent to an orphanage. It wasn't much better... And after six years of being shoved and passed around from foster home to foster home, we ran away... We ran away and joined the circus... There were these two... Well... I was mentored, by these two different guys, Trickshot and the Swordsman... Between them, they taught me everything I know... And I looked up to them, you know, they were my mentors. They were practically my hero's. Not the best role models a kid could have had, but... They were the best I could have asked for under the circumstances...".

I glanced up at Bruce and he gave me a reassuring smile, motioning for me to continue.

I looked back out at the city below us, "... But one day I overheard the ringleader talk about some money that had been stolen... A LOT of money... It was everything the circus had... So I asked around, talked to Trickshot, who claimed he didn't know anything, before going to sort things out with the Swordsman... Turns out he was the one who had stolen it... And once he found out that I knew, he tried to bribe me, tried to sell me off so I would keep my mouth shut... I should have taken the money... When I threatened to tell everyone that he was culprit, he... Well... He beat me up and left me for dead... My own teacher... And I would have died too, if it weren't for the others finding me".

I angrily wiped the tears away.

"After that, I ran. I couldn't cope anymore. I was barely a teenager and everyone I knew had already betrayed me and left me for dead. It the literal sense... But a few weeks later, Barney managed to regain contact with me... He was furious, saying how I shouldn't have left. That I couldn't just leave so suddenly and leave him and everyone else behind... And he managed to guilt trip me into coming back... So I rejoined the circus... And... Well... Long story short, Trickshot kind of turned out to be a bastard, the Swordsman was later arrested but escaped again, and Barney... Barney gave up his life to save me... He died in my arms".

Bruce stared at me, "... I don't give a fuck what you say, you're getting a hug".

I smiled weakly as he pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my shoulder in a tight embrace.

"So no one else knows about your past?" He asked quietly.

"... The only thing anyone on this entire planet knows, asides from you, is that once upon a time, I had a brother, and we joined the circus... That's it" I replied and he hugged me closer, "You do realise that I'm not gonna let go of you now, right?".

I smirked, "Course".

It was silent for another minute.

"You know why I like the rain?" I asked quietly.

"Why?" He asked back.

I smiled slightly, "... Because no one can tell that you're crying" I whispered.

* * *

_Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even..._


End file.
